First, let’s get this out of the way….Tatiana Maslany freaking rocks.
There. All right, now onto the rest of the episode.
LESLIE RECALL
Councilman Jamm’s back, and he’s out to get Leslie once again; this time, he’s using one of Donna’s tweets against her. It’s a nice storyline because it seems as if the show’s transitioning from Ann to Donna; whereas this is something that Leslie and Ann would’ve had to go through before, Donna handles it in a different way. It’s a nice setup for a potentially fantastic relationship going forward.
RON AND HIS WILL
Ron’s storylines do seem repetitive at times, but his interactions with Ben are just good enough to sell it. I would like to see him interact with Diane more, but I understand that he’s a person that’s afraid of commitment; it might not be in character for him to move fast. Nevertheless, Scott and Offerman are fantastic here, as always.
TOM AND NADIA
Guest star Tatiana Maslany plays a more straightforward character here, but she and Plaza play their respective characters perfectly. The storyline could’ve easily become cliched (Tom is pretty insufferable here), but the two are able to ground the storyline and make it endearing. Still, I don’t like that Tom gets Tatiana Maslany. He’s one lucky man.
GRADE: B+
Other thoughts:
-“Upon my death, all my belongings will transfer to the man or animal that has killed me.”
-“She was talking dirty to me.” “She was reading the emails you sent to the first woman!”
While on the set of Transformers: Age of Extinction, director Michael Bay was almost assaulted with an air conditioning unit, an object so random that only Michael Bay would warrant it. The story went something like this:
1. Three men were harassing the crew.
Michael Bay insert: And there were like, six explosions, and a lot of people died and the whole city blew up!
2. After Bay refused to pay the money the men were demanding, one of them tried to attack him with an AC unit.
Bay insert: And I introduced a woman character, and although she ended up being undeveloped and merely exploited for her looks, I kept her around because I like money!
3. The security team subdued the man after Bay disarmed him.
Bay insert: And I dispatched the security team because I wanted the dudes all to myself, if you know what I mean. So, after I finished having passionate sex with them, I kicked their asses and blew up a bomb somewhere! And a freaking humongous ship flew into the building! HOLY SHIT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BUILDING THAT WAS AND THE SHIP WAS THE TITANIC!
But really, this was an event clearly symbolic of Michael Bay’s tendency to ruin movies. The man demanding the money was representative of the American public as a whole, as Michael Bay really doesn’t deserve any of the money he’s made in his life.
It took a while for anyone to figure out what was going on (this was a Michael Bay thing, after all), but the good thing is that Bay escaped unscathed. That way, someone else can assault him with a bigger air conditioner.
Credit to no one for that picture, because who likes Michael Bay?
Ryan Murphy announced today that the next season of Glee would be its last. The singing show that involves lots of people singing and making out is currently in its fifth season of people singing, and the singing will finally come to an end next year.
Murphy stated that “The final year of the show, which will be next year, was designed around Rachel and Cory/Finn’s story…I always knew that, I always knew how it would end. I knew what the last shot was, he was in it. I knew what the last line was—she said it to him. So when a tragedy like that happens, you sort of have to pause and figure out what you want to do, so we’re figuring that out now.”
Of course, he could’ve just as likely been talking about American Horror Story, as Ryan Murphy never makes any sense and has a twisted, idiotic mind.
Most likely, the final season will consist of yet another Regionals, and the Sectionals will become Sectionaled Regionals and the Regioned Regionals will become sections of the Sectionaled Sectionally Regionally Regionals. Also, more singing. The final scene will also presumably just be Rachel talking to a cardboard cutout of Cory Monteith and bawling her eyes out, and the last line of dialogue will be “You’re in heaven now, and I’m still stuck on this show.”
Credit to FOX and Glee for all pictures. I own nothing.
Just thought I’d check in on the season with a few quick thoughts…
-This is the most entertaining and optimistic the show’s been in a while. Sometimes it’s necessary to just let the characters breathe for a second; not everything has to be dark and violent, and this episode is a nice digression from the depression-laced nature of the first five episodes.
-Jax’s long speech to the club is fantastic; not only is it sensible, but it really emphasizes that brotherly connection among the members. This moment was a long time coming (perhaps a bit too long), and it’s acted perfectly by Hunnam.
-The episode also serves as a nice transition into the second half of the season; we start to see some trouble on the horizon with Juice, a guy that’s always been quietly falling into his own hole. That starts to come out in this episode. In addition, CCH Pounder’s Patterson is starting to become increasingly involved in the proceedings, and she’s set to be the club’s greatest adversary on the cop front. She’s fueled by a need for justice and anger over Toric, and it’s exciting to see how she interacts with Gemma and Tara. She can hit the club on the home front.
-The moment when Patterson takes off her wig (“Time to go hood, sista”) is pretty awesome.
-The scrap between the corrupt cops and the club is superfluous, but it’s just fun to watch. The scene where they escape on the bikes is reminiscent of earlier seasons, and I realize that I’ve missed the old Sons.
-Bobby’s storyline turns out perfectly, and it alleviates my concerns about his character. He’s just been trying to do the right thing, recruiting members for the club; it’s in character for him, and it adds to the strength of Jax’s speech.
-Walton Goggins returns as Venus Van Damme, and he’s once again brilliant. The scene feels a bit shoehorned in, but it showcases a different side of the character and opens up the possibility of future appearances.
GRADE: B+
Credit to FX and Sons of Anarchy for all pictures. I own nothing.
Nick Miller is a guy with not much direction in his life, and this episode nicely reflects this idea; he avoids his bills, he doesn’t really understand how finances work, and he wants to play the saxophone in an alley while Jess walks by in a mini skirt, with a gem-studded purse. We’re starting to see signs of focus from him, but it still takes Jess a while to get him to do so. I’m glad she doesn’t set a quota here, as Nick isn’t the kind of person that’s going to live up to it; instead, the storyline culminates in a sweet, anti-bank “protest” at the end of the episode.
In addition to this, we have Schmidt trying to become a good person. I do like that Jess comes right out and states Schmidt’s transgression, and it helps motivate him to help a biker in need. Yet, as expected, the storyline doesn’t do much for him, but it’s a step in the right direction. The C-plot involves Winston, who strangely disappears for much of the episode; however, the final tag is a fantastic gag involving a candelabra and genies.
GRADE: B+
BROOKLYN NINE-NINE, “The Vulture” (1×05)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine really seems to be finding itself and its characters, and its unique voice is now shining through, illuminating one of the best new shows of the year. This particular episode involves “The Vulture” (also known as Dennis Duffy from 30 Rock), a cop who swoops in and steals cases; Peralta takes offense to this and tries to vulture his own case. The episode does a nice job highlighting the virtues of having such a wonderful cast; Peralta’s team plays nicely off each other, especially with a running gag in regards to women having hairdryers in their purses.
In our B-plot, we have the wonderful trio of Braugher/Peretti/Crews, three actors whose characters shouldn’t work together, but do. They highlight each others’ differences, and each shines in a sweet storyline, one in which Holt just wants to help his friend.
Ultimately, the gears are fully oiled and running for this show, and hopefully we see some upticks in the ratings soon.
GRADE: B+
Credit to FOX, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and New Girl for all pictures. I own nothing.
We all want to survive. That’s the essence of the film. If you don’t know the story of Captain Phillips, then go ahead and read it; it won’t take away from your enjoyment of this movie. This well-made thriller by Paul Greengrass (Bourne Ultimatum) is a fantastic tale of an ordinary man in an extraordinary circumstance.
That’s nothing new, but the film does it in a way that the ending doesn’t feel at all triumphant. All this is is a tale of survival, a tale of people that have to do what they have to do to survive in this world. The Somalian pirates know violence because that’s the only way they can make money, and the film does a nice job of humanizing them without it feeling forced. Yes, what they’re doing is terrible, but for them, it’s necessary.
The film is essentially broken down into two parts. The first consists of the pirates aboard the MV Maersk Alabama, run by a crew led by the titular character. The second consists of the pirates and Phillips in a lifeboat. They both convey a sense of horror, loneliness, and sadness. The first places the crew of the Maersk in a position where they have no way out: no weapons and no one to save them. They know the ship, but they’re trapped in the tiniest of spaces, encompassed by their own boat. The second places the pirates in the same position; they’re near their own mainland, but they have no way out. The Navy’s bearing down on them, the SEALS are standing by, and their own people have abandoned them. They’re in the tiniest of lifeboats, encompassed by their own waters.
It’s easy to tell that the film is drawing the parallels between the two groups, and while it can get a bit heavy-handed at times, Greengrass still does a great job blurring the lines of what’s right and wrong, even amidst actions that we know to be so very wrong. This works largely in part of the acting. Hanks is at his absolute A-game here, conveying the captain’s resourcefulness, compassion, and most importantly, fear; his final scene is one of the best performances I’ve seen this year. The pirates are fantastic as well, and the way Hanks plays off of them is a beauty to watch. His scenes in the lifeboat with them are claustrophobic, heartening, and devastating all at once.
The directing is great as well, although I’ve never been a fan of the shaky cam. Still, Greengrass ratchets up the tension with each subsequent sequence, ending in a long, drawn out half an hour climax.
(Spoilers)
This climax does feel a bit overlong, but it gets the job done. Phillips pushes the kid he helped into the water, once again emphasizing that need to survive. After that, we have a long sequence in which the Navy tries to rescue the captain, culminating in the dispatching of all three pirates (Phillips being in a blindfold actually has more of an effect on his psyche, as he’s a guy that needs to know what is going on. Only being able to hear those three shots is more jarring than seeing the pirates die, and Hanks conveys this beautifully). It’s overlong, that’s for sure, but the final scene of the film is gorgeous, and not in a conventional way.
Phillips is taken to a room to be looked at, and he can’t find the words to say nor the ability to keep his composure. He’s so overwhelmed by emotion, by sadness, by fear, and Hanks is perfect here in this cathartic, transcendent moment. It’s a stunning scene, and if that doesn’t earn him an Oscar nomination, I’m not sure what will.
The camera then pulls back, revealing the lifeboat in the center of all the huge Navy ships. It just shows you how small that lifeboat is, but how big Captain Phillips should feel. However, he doesn’t feel that way. Who can blame him?
GRADE: A-
Credit to Michael De Luca Producions, Scott Rudin Productions, Translux, Trigger Street Productions, and Captain Phillips for all pictures. I own nothing.
Nick Brody is the reason for Homeland, but does Homeland even need him?
I’m not sure yet. The character and the actor are magnificent, but would the show have been better off if it had killed him already? There’s no way of knowing, and while I’m sure the writers can come up with something for him to do, it’s all a matter of how well they do it.
As for this episode, it’s a nice digression from the normal episode organization. The episode cuts between Brody’s and Carrie’s stories, drawing parallels between the two, albeit a bit heavy-handedly. Still, this works as a fitting end to our two main characters’ journeys, but I’m not sure if it works as an episode of this show because it’s not the end of their journeys. The show can still surprise me later, but the writers have written themselves into a hole, yet it’s one that is necessary given the road the characters have gone down. There really was no other way this could all turn out if neither died.
It’s a nice character study, that’s for sure. It’s necessary to focus on both Carrie and Brody because they’re simultaneously parallels and foils. The Tower of David represents everything Brody does not want it to be: the end of the line. In reality, it represents everything that he is: a scar that can never heal. Much like Carrie, he can’t come to terms with the fact that he’s got nowhere to go; he’s come full circle from his captivity in Iraq, now in a situation that’s strikingly similar to those miserable years. There truly is no escape, and that is exactly why this storyline can’t really sustain itself much longer, however compelling Danes and Lewis are. It’s time to bring in the aliens.
There are some intriguing scenes in this episode, though, something that seemed to be missing from the first two installments this season. First off, we have Carrie meeting a lawyer that seems to want to help her, but in reality is trying to manipulate her. She sees right through this; Carrie’s never been someone that can be manipulated by strangers, bad guys, and the like; her sharp instincts are always on in regards to those kinds of people. Where her weakness lies is with people she’s supposed to be able to trust: her own government, Saul, and even Brody to an extent. Her need to please those around her holds up blinders, not allowing her to see herself falling deeper into the hole those very people have dug.
Speaking of holes, both characters end the episode in both literal and metaphorical prisons. Brody’s been beaten down physically and emotionally; he’s the guy that always seems to survive, but hurts those around him. Now, all he can turn to is heroin. I’ve seen some grumblings around the Internet about this scene, but I believe it works; he can’t hold on any longer because he’s been holding on for years. As for Carrie, she still has a flimsy support group, but she’s only going to allow herself to work with Saul. She thinks that everyone else is out to get her. The thing is, Saul can’t risk working with her, and rightfully so.
It’s a beautiful closing shot, that’s for sure, but it’s one that suggests finality. I’m not sure where this is going. What is finality but a prison? We can always look for an escape, we can always move on, and we can never be satisfied.
GRADE: B
OTHER THOUGHTS:
-Henry Bromell was a fantastic writer, and this is the last episode credited to him. RIP.
-No Dana this week, who’s probably off banging her boyfriend in the middle of a restaurant somewhere.
-No Jess or Chris, either. Nothing feels different. No Saul, either.
-I appreciate and respect the ambition of this episode more than I actually like it.
-Esme is like an Issa replacement. Of course, “Take me with you!” got a big groan out of me. She’s cute, though.
-I think the time with each character gets shorter as the episode goes on. It’s an interesting stylistic choice that culminates in a final quick shot of the two, and it creates a nice constricting atmosphere throughout.
-I enjoyed Brody’s captors.
Credit to Showtime and Homeland for all pictures. I own nothing.
The Walking Dead has always been a bleak show, taking the opposite end of the spectrum from shows like Falling Skies. Optimism and cheer haven’t been very present in the show, which makes it all the more surprising when the season 4 premiere opens with characters smiling, cracking jokes, and working together. Some time has passed since the Governor declared war on the prison, and our characters are now settling down, learning the rudimentary skills needed to survive in a post-apocalyptic world (like knife-using, as taught by Carol). On the one hand, it’s great seeing these people act more like human beings, but on the other hand, the cast is so large that most of the supporting characters feel like plot devices. Who knows? Maybe one day, the show will become an engrossing character drama. Yeah, probably not.
What the show excels at is the zombies, as to be expected when the entire premise is zombies. The scene in which a bunch of them crash through the ceiling is extremely entertaining, and this proves that the show still hasn’t run out of ideas in regards to walker deaths. The gore hasn’t let up and neither have the visuals.
This is our only action sequence in the episode, though, one that consists of a lot of talking. One of these plots involves Rick and a woman he meets in the woods, and it’s a compelling story that serves to comment on the show’s themes of humanity and survival. She attacks him impulsively because of a need of survival, and this brings up the question of whether isolation is best for survival or not. There’s a lot of weight in these scenes, and it’s disappointing that it only lasts for one episode.
Ultimately, the episode plods along at a snail’s pace. While I’m happy about the character work, the characters just aren’t compelling enough to sustain a whole episode’s worth of entertainment.
GRADE: B-
OTHER THOUGHTS:
-So, Daryl and Carol, huh.
-Speaking of, Daryl’s a celebrity now!
-I like how the walker with no legs is the only walker able to see the guy whose leg is pinned.
-Rick’s a gardener now!
-Glen and Maggie are doing alright.
-If, after the “Humans kill other humans, and they have names.” line, Carl went “You’re right!” and shot her in the face, then I would forgive the show for a lot of things.
-So, there’s apparently a virus of some sort that’s killed one person in the prison already. It’s all the pig’s fault!
-I’ve never watched Talking Dead, and I have no idea what can possibly be discussed for half an hour.
Credit to AMC and The Walking Dead for all pictures. I own nothing.
As always, check back in every 10 minutes or so for live updates.
GRAVITY: It isn’t surprising that SNL would parody the number one movie in the country, and it’s a solid cold open. The premise is flimsy and the sketch is a bit empty, but Thompson and McKinnon are extremely entertaining as the janitors back in Houston. I enjoyed Thompson’s Willy Wonka suggestion, but another government shutdown joke? Sigh. GRADE: B
MONOLOGUE: I like Bruce Willis, but I couldn’t care less about his harmonica-playing or his daughters. There really isn’t anything funny here, and Moynihan isn’t terrible enough at the harmonica to be funny. GRADE: C
24 HOUR ENERGY: This is mainly an excuse for everyone to scream and exaggerate, and it’s alright. I’m not exactly sure about the accuracy of the scenarios depicted here, but it’s a creative enough premise. I just wish they had gone further with this, maybe exploring the 24-Hour Energy For Dating Actors? GRADE: B-
BLACK OPS: This plays off of Willis’ action background, but it ends up being disappointing; it could’ve been so much better if Willis was stronger. Moynihan’s excited reactions to the proceedings are priceless, but Willis seems a little too nonchalant for his own good. I couldn’t even understand half of what he was saying. GRADE: B-
BARBER SHOP: Once again, Willis is the weak link here, which sadly drags down the grade of the sketch a bit. He gets in some funny lines, but what really makes it work are Thompson’s and Pharoah’s reactions to everything. Their interactions with each other are comedy gold, and I’d watch a whole episode of that. GRADE: B-
BOY DANCE PARTY: Now this is some well-produced fun. It’s reminiscent of those fantastic digital shorts, and it’s catchy and silly. The freeze-frame of Taran Killam spraying silly string is priceless, and it’s the best sketch of the night so far. GRADE: B+
LADY GAGA TALK SHOW: Nothing here really works; Willis is awkward, and…that’s it. Bayer’s Gaga isn’t really anything special, McKinnon’s Cruz isn’t up to her other impressions, and Killam’s DJ gets old after a while. The premise is bad in and of itself, so you’ll enjoy it if you’re not expecting much. GRADE: C
WEEKEND UPDATE: Strong seems to be getting better every week. She has tons of chemistry with Meyers, and the news jokes are pretty strong this week; the Jenner jokes are fantastic. Thompson is great as Chaplain Barry Black, and his rants are a thing of beauty. As for Wheelan, I’m glad he’s getting more screen time, but his turn as the tattoo guy here doesn’t work for me. GRADE: B
KIRBY: Yeah, this is love or hate, but I’m on the “hate” side. I just don’t get it. Yeah, he loves cats and he’s annoying as hell, but he steals the sketch without actually stealing the sketch. It’s overlong and unfunny, and they need to scrap this. GRADE: C-
CENTAURI VODKA: Well, this isn’t much. All the sketch contains is Willis in an awful centaur costume with Milhiser suffocating behind him, and it gets unfunny in a hurry, even though it’s an extremely short sketch. GRADE: C+
CHON, or CHUN, or whatever: This is an annoying sketch. Yes, it’s entertaining at first to watch Killam ham it up over a mix-up of two words, but this gets old fast. Also, Killam’s screaming becomes almost like nails on a chalkboard. I said they need to scrap Kirby, but this one needs to go first. No, it is not funny. Glice was not funny, either. GRADE: D+
SIGMA: This is a good, low key sketch that allows a couple of newcomers to shine. Their deadpan delivery makes everything all the more hilarious, and what they’re actually talking about is as well. It’s short, sweet, and a nice way to round out the evening. GRADE: B
KATY PERRY: I like Katy Perry’s personality and her voice at times, and these two songs are good enough for her. There’s a generic-ness to both of them, but they’re entertaining and deliver catchy beats. Like last week, we have two perfectly good pop songs. GRADE: B
Oh come on, repeat sketch already?
OVERALL GRADE: C
BEST SKETCH: BOY DANCE PARTY
WORST SKETCH: CHON/KIRBY
FINAL THOUGHTS: This episode ends up being as unmemorable as I was expecting. Willis is a mediocre host, Perry is a fine musical guest, and there are some truly awful sketches in there. The good sketches never cross over into great, though, but there are still some truly funny moments: Thompson/Pharoah in the barbershop, the new guys in Sigma (still can’t remember their names), and everyone in “Boy Dance Party.” In two weeks, Edward Norton/Janelle Monáe.
Credit to NBC and Saturday Night Live for all pictures. I own nothing.
Charlie Hunnam in a leather jacket, which he would’ve used freely in this movie ^^
After initially mistaking his “Fifty Shades of Grey” role as one in which he gets to play a Kaiju in the bedroom, Charlie Hunnam has finally realized that no, he is not the right person for the job. After arriving on set and being asked to engage in, and I quote “Sexy stuff with sexy toys”, he went home and rummaged through his trash to find his mother’s copy of the book. He flipped to page (inset literally any page) and started reading, then immediately got an erection and threw the book into a cauldron of his blood and tears.
Universal, the production company for the movie, released a statement stating
The filmmakers of Fifty Shades of Grey and Charlie Hunnam have agreed to find another male lead given Hunnam’s immersive TV schedule which is not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey.
This statement tells us two false things: 1) Charlie Hunnam was made by a filmmaker, and 2) Charlie Hunnam has an immersive TV schedule. Hunnam apparently spends every second of his day perusing “Sons of Anarchy” scripts and smoking joints with Kurt Sutter, and therefore cannot prepare for his role. Or, the statement most likely means
Charlie Hunnam would be terrible as Christian Grey and he wouldn’t even prepare for it anyway and he has a stupid American accent.
No word yet on Dakota Johnson, but she will presumably be leaving just as soon as she comes to her senses and decides to pass on her role to a more “respected” actress (as if anyone would still be respected after engaging in softcore porn on screen for 2 hours).
Credit to FX and Sons of Anarchy for all pictures. I own nothing.
First, let’s get this out of the way….Tatiana Maslany freaking rocks.
Polar Bears Watch TV 