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American Horror Story: Coven “Head” Live Blog/Review (3×09)

11 Dec

nullTEXTAll times central.

9:04-Okay, so we have fire and stuff to open the episode. Sadly, these openings do nothing for me anymore.

9:10-One thing this show always has going for it is the incredible acting (by the more experienced actors). Bassett and Lange are always a joy to watch, especially when they’re exchanging insults while Kathy Bates’ head interrupts.

9:12-“Could people not move things? Some of us are blind.”

9:16-So Hank’s part of this secret cult of witch-haters who hate witches. I’m supposed to care why? This character’s been a nebulous presence all season, seemingly serving no purpose but to have sex in a pile of snakes and polish his huge gun.

9:20-See, now this is emblematic of the problems of this season; not only do dead people come back to life, but the blind woman can even get her eyes back. The status quo this season just hasn’t changed one bit; I’m not advocating unnecessary plot twists, but I want that sense of “anything goes” this show was known for.

9:22-Oh yeah, Justified.

9:28-Oh great, limb washing. Next, I fully expect Spalding to show up naked slow dancing with a monster made out of dog crap.

9:32-I almost burst out laughing at that scene in the hospital; right there is a bunch of actors trying way too hard.

9:34-“What are you going to do, chew it up and shit it out of your neck?”

9:37-So, we’ve got Queenie forcing LaLaurie to watch Roots. On the one hand, Kathy Bates does some great face acting there and it’s hilarious to watch. On the other hand, I once again sigh at the blatant race references that Murphy loves so, so much. Is Queenie seriously just going to be a prop for all of Murphy’s race “justifications” from now on? Yeah, probably.

9:40-“Marie Laveau sends her regards.” I wouldn’t be surprised if Murphy decided to recreate the Red Wedding, but this time with more blood and some boobs.

9:40-The Following is returning. I’m ready for that hate-watch; join me on the 19th.

9:42-Oh, how I wish I could just go “With more intent” for everything I do.

9:45-“Dog.” *Snaps neck* Alrighty, then.

9:48-So we go from Nan at odds with Luke’s mom to Nan all sunshine and rainbows with Luke’s mom to Nan at odds with Luke’s mom. Great.

9:49-Hell yeah, The Americans.

9:52-Hell yeah, True Detective. Honestly, these promos have me 100 times more pumped for those shows than what’s coming next on AHS.

9:57-Oh God, so we have Hank mowing down a house of black people while we’re shown images from the Civil Rights movement. Oh, out of all the awful things this show has created, this has to be the worst; jeez, Murphy and co., can’t you at least have a good old-fashioned shootout or something without turning it into a conversation about race? Good God. Oh, and we also have Joan murdering her son, because why not?

10:00-Expect Queenie and Hank back within 6 minutes into the next episode. See you in January.

GRADE: C- (I miss Asylum)

FINAL THOUGHTS: Yeah, this show is just spinning its wheels right now. I’m all for the idea of giving underdeveloped characters some more attention, but when you devote solely one episode to start and finish a character arc, nothing good can come out of it. Instead, we have what we got at the end: an awful, tasteless, and downright offensive–yes, even for this show–segment that serves no purpose whatsoever, save for maybe “HEY LOOK, SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!”

There’s potential still, due to the brilliance of many of the actors, but the writing is just so sloppy right now; for example, I still find Kyle endearing and I find the Laveau-Fiona team up intriguing, but I just can’t help but feel like we’re going downhill.

Credit to FX and American Horror Story for all pictures. I own nothing.

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