Baywatch Review

19 May

The opening scene of this movie is one of the best of the year. It follows The Rock in all his suave, muscular glory as he jumps into the water to save a drowning beachgoer. It features a glorious overuse of slow motion, random unnecessary closeups, and a huge title card rising out of the water as he carries a limp body to safety. It’s beautiful in a way that inspires confidence in the rest of the movie, namely confidence in its clear understanding of the outlandish nature of the story. Unfortunately, this incredibly refreshing opening is squandered immediately, and the rest of the two hour runtime only contains flashes of that bold “who gives a shit” attitude.

This is not a good movie. Its character arcs are less arcs and more random scribbles by a small child who stumbled across a box of crayons. Certain developments in these characters’ lives last all of one minute before other excruciatingly uninteresting developments erase them. The central murder storyline is about as interesting as watching someone completely unrelated to a murder read about one online. As I see it, this movie has one goal and one goal only: deploy its eye candy in the most over-the-top set pieces possible. It succeeds on the former front; after all, Alexandra Daddario sitting motionless in a windowless room would still be engrossing cinema (my favorite scene of hers in this is her intro). It fails on the latter front because it attempts to tackle plot, characters, and themes instead. That’s not to say it doesn’t have its moments, as it’s definitely sporadically funny and features Daddario and Rohrbach competing to see who can make the rest of us feel hopelessly inferior. The Rock and Efron are also quite fun together. When all’s said and done, though, neither the chemistry nor the wonderful genetic endowments of the cast can carry a bland movie.


3 Responses to “Baywatch Review”

  1. MovieManJackson May 19, 2017 at 11:34 am #

    Kind of have odd anticipation for this one. But everything I’ve read makes it sound like a forgettable R comedy. Damn. Oh well.

    • polarbears16 May 20, 2017 at 10:16 am #

      There are definitely some enjoyable parts! Still worth watching.

      • MovieManJackson May 26, 2017 at 3:37 pm #

        Think I hated this more than you. At least Run the Jewels was on the soundtrack!

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