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American Idol announces judging panel, immediately begins search for a new one

3 Sep

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FOX has officially confirmed that the new season of American Idol will consist of new judges that will almost certainly be replaced. These judges are Harry Connick, Jr., Keith Urban, and Jennifer Lopez, who apparently got bored of being Jennifer Lopez and decided to return (who can blame her?).

This is Urban’s second year on the show, a feat only surpassed by spending three years on the show, at which point he will probably melt into his chair and be eaten by a mob of screaming idiots. Not to fear, though, as judges on American Idol now have a shelf life of “Not long”, or the equivalent of a quickie in terms of judging a singing competition.

All three will be paid a lot of money, and they will sit at that table and pander to the general public, completely ignoring the nobody singing on stage. They will also all be involved in some sort of romantic plotline, consisting of Keith Urban screaming “NICKI MINAJ IS A RAPPER” a million times over and Connick, Jr. and Lopez frolicking on the table while Randy Jackson watches and offers up some excellent advice: “You did good, dawg.”

Then, Americans will vote, people will be eliminated, Ryan Seacrest will remain rich, and American Idol will still be here in 50 years. However, the judging panel will consist of an infant, an extraterrestrial, and the souls of every human being that has ever enjoyed this show.

Credit to FOX Broadcasting Company and American Idol for all pictures. I own nothing.

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