All times central.
7:05-Sheldon is not worth one penny, but you get a point for calling out the idiocy that was the How I Met Your Mother finale.
7:09-And the monologue is over. How many HBO jokes was that? 99? Coincidentally, that’s also the number of nominations HBO garnered.
7:11-I’m so, so sorry, Andre Braugher. Also, this Ty Burrell speech reminds me of Steve Carell’s Golden Globe speech about his wife. By the way, Steve Carell never won an Emmy.
7:17-Well deserved, Louis CK. If I could choose, you’d win every award.
7:22- “Chuck Lorre, it’s an honor to work with you. A genius.” That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that about Chuck Lorre.
7:30-Holy shit. I thought Jodie Foster had this in the bag. And, out of all people to lose to, she loses to Modern Family?! If I had to pick, though, it’d be, of course, Louis CK. His direction of the show is pretty amazing for a comedy series.
7:35-Tatiana Maslany snub reference! Thanks for reminding me, Emmys.
7:41-Chuck Lorre has already been thanked TWICE in the first 40 minutes. Let that sink in, folks. Then, look at the post immediately above this and get angry again.
7:46-JLD wins, then makes out with Bryan Cranston. I love these two. Also, obligatory Emmy Rossum shout out, who should’ve been nominated for sure.
7:50-Reality show time? Yawn. Can I please go to sleep for a bit?
7:52-Okay, is this a TV awards show or a film awards show? Seems a bit harsh to focus on solely Roberts, then pan out to the rest of the nominees as if to say “HAHAHA, TELEVISION ACTORS!”
7:56-Yes, Julianna Margulies, you can have it. You also deserve it. So does Jon Hamm and his beard.
7:58-Let’s pour one out for Treme. Also, I thought The Normal Heart would sweep; this is surprising, although Fargo is the deserving winner outside of Treme.
8:02-I’m just perplexed right now. Allison Tolman, just know that you deserve it, and now, that Roberts clip seems like a “Fuck you!” in hindsight.
8:08-Hi, Stephen Colbert! Wow, it looks like the Emmys suddenly realized Sherlock is a show. Ryan Murphy is crying in his seat.
8:11-There we go, Fargo. Buridan’s Ass was truly brilliantly directed.
8:20-It’s Rust Cohle and Marty Hart out to present the award to Benedict Cumberbatch (nice plagiarism joke there). Why the hell pick this year to like Sherlock so much? Did they stumble across a Tumblr page or something? Anyway, I’m pleasantly surprised because at least there are surprises, even if I’m not the biggest fan of the show; Billy Bob Thornton still wins in my heart, though.
8:27-Next thing you know, AHS: Coven is going to win best miniseries, and the world will burn.
8:32-Weird al Yankovic does his thing. Finally, something entertaining, and yes, George, type faster.
8:35-Fargo wins! I wasn’t as huge a fan of it as most others, but it was an excellently crafted and acted ten episode experience. Also, thank god, because I thought they were going to give it to AHS: Coven and then watch the world burn.
8:40-Okay, so The Normal Heart doesn’t get completely shut out. Ryan Murphy accepting an Emmy, though, is an image I don’t want to see again.
8:45-Ricky Gervais has the right reaction to Jim Parsons: “Ugh.”
8:53-Chris Hardwick, get off my TV. “You’re bad at your grammar.” Chris, you’re bad at trying to be funny.
8:57-Yay! One last win for The Colbert Report. I salute you, Stephen Colbert.
9:05-This Sofia Vergara thing is stupid.
9:08-First off, where the hell is Dean Norris? I’m really happy for Aaron Paul, though. He’s tied with Art Carney as the supporting actor with the most awards now.
9:16-This year’s been tough. Great job, Sara Bareilles.
9:19- “It’s very hard to talk about him in the past because he was so present in all of our lives.” Robin Williams, what a concept. Beautiful speech, Billy Crystal, and that silence following the video clip strikes right in my heart.
9:26-“Who Goes There” is truly a masterpiece of directing. Congrats, Fukunaga.
9:27-Anna Gunn! Great work throughout the series, and “Ozymandias” is, like with the show itself, her crowning achievement. So far, I’m very happy with these drama wins.
9:34-“Ozymandias” is one of the absolute best episodes of television ever, and Moira Walley-Beckett is a fantastic writer. Kudos, voters, for recognizing this. If it hadn’t won, I would’ve blown a gasket.
….DON’T YOU PLAY OFF ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES OF TV EVER.
9:39-And Julianna Margulies. Wonderful. She deserves it. However, everyone remember Tatiana Maslany?
9:40- “What a wonderful time for women on television.” Did she forget that we literally just put Sofia Vergara on a platform earlier?
9:50-Matthew McConaughey, you’re fantastic, but I was rooting for Cranston here. Two brilliant performances, one great year. Kudos.
9:51-Oh, HBO. Leaving here today with barely any wins after getting the most nominations. I feel bad for McConaughey; I wanted him to win that Oscar and that Emmy in the single year. Would’ve been the first to ever do it, so he has HBO to thank.
9:52-Ya know, the drama awards were going so great, and then they bring out Jay Leno. Then, you know something bad’s about to happen, and sure enough…HOW THE HELL DOES THIS TURD OF A SHOW WIN FIVE YEARS IN A ROW? THAT’S MORE THAN FUCKING MAD MEN, EVEN. HOLY SHIT.
9:59-Breaking Bad wins, and they’re playing them off. Because NBC needs to promote its shows!
10:00-It ended on time! Seth Meyers: meh.
DRAMA AWARDS: A-
COMEDY AWARDS: F-
It’s been fun, guys. Thanks for reading.
Also, HBO, how’s that decision to put True Detective in the drama series category looking now, huh? When you make your end of year channel clip, you’ll do so knowing you could’ve easily won an extra 5 Emmys and added that to your bragging sheet if you’d submitted in miniseries (as it should’ve been). McConaughey and the show deserve it. Cumberbatch and Fargo, say thanks to HBO for your awards. We really do need a change in the nominating process, don’t we?
Photo credit: http://television.mxdwn.com/news/66th-emmy-award-nominations-announced/, NBC