A Patient Report on “A CURE FOR WELLNESS”
Quick Background: Patient was presumed to live a relatively healthy lifestyle, with normal vital signs related to cinematography, score, and production design. Patient exhibited effective atmosphere building. Patient cast Jason Isaacs. However, also directed by Mr. Gore Verbinski. Mr. Verbinski’s films have grossed 3.72 billion worldwide, therefore allowing him to make both the “highest grossing directors” list and the “overpaid directors” list.
Symptoms: Symptoms manifested themselves over the course of approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes. Usually, symptoms do not need this long to manifest. Symptoms included repetitiveness, nonsensical editing, and an over-reliance on a particular character dynamic to provide perceived motivations and explanations. General laziness with regards to the last point. When asked to explain these symptoms, the patient launched into an extensive dialogue about the social ills of our time, but never quite made sense. Also entering into the record: one of our younger doctors collapsed during this patient testimony and was forced to leave the room. He is being monitored and treated with the trailer for A Cure for Wellness.
Special Note: A particularly concerning moment saw the patient attempting to convince our doctors that he was symptom-free, citing the following Yahoo Answers page as proof of his well-being: https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110809103454AAvzXUu
Patient insisted that the ideas espoused on this page–accessed during an unusually painful dentist appointment–allowed him to “keep livin’ to see the light, brah”. With the help of Little Willy, our interpreter, we interpreted this to mean that the patient believed this topic would allow him to sustain himself. Evidently, this was not the case. With the generous help of the current U.S. administration, we obtained the patient’s computer from his home and looked through his history. What we found was troubling: http://imgur.com/a/gvHTC
Suggested Course of Action: Patient will be held for several weeks under intense observation. Doctors are leaning toward diagnosis of “wasted potential”.
Possible Cures: Jesus christ not a suspension tank