Honorable mentions: John Wick, Calvary, A Most Violent Year, Locke, Selma, A Most Wanted Man, 22 Jump Street, Foxcatcher, Wild, Big Eyes, Still Alice, Mr. Turner
Haven’t seen: Ida, Citizenfour, The Raid 2, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Chef, The One I Love, Coherence, Top Five, Dear White People, Life Itself
20. Edge of Tomorrow
19. The Lego Movie
All times central. The actual show is starting at 7:30 pm.
7:00- “Oh hi, Dakota Johnson. You just recently starred in Fifty Shades of Grey, in which you got very naked. Now, let’s ask your mother about it!”
7:15- “He would absolutely be blown away,” says Chris Kyle’s widow about how he would react if he were at the Oscars. It’s Taya with the first (unintentional) joke of the evening!
7:25-It’s Chris Evans. Speaking of, Snowpiercer should be nominated for everything.
Every few lifetimes, you run into something that is simultaneously absurd and brilliant and perfect. Adult Swim’s “Too Many Cooks” is like nothing you will ever see and like nothing you have seen in the past. It is Oscar and Emmy and Golden Globe and Grammy worthy, and we might as well throw in a Tony because why not? This is the type of surreal comedy that you can only find on a channel like Adult Swim or in your head while you’re high out of your mind.
Society giving me a thumbs-up ^^
Thanks, everyone. You know who you are. It’s been a blast this past year, from the very first review–Orange Is the New Black Season 1–to the last, and I’ve certainly grown as a writer and as a thinker over these last 365 days and 425 posts. The fact that I have more posts than days in a year is a reflection of me having too much time on my hands, and the amount of spam comments I’ve had filtered out–a lot–ensures that the Internet is working perfectly.
Continuing its trend of limiting the vision of various directors and producers, the MPAA is at it again, forcing several films–The Wolf of Wall Street and Charlie Countryman–to cut scenes of people doing things that everyone does at some point: having sex. Oh, the horror! Won’t you think about the kids?! I mean, sure, we can show a bunch of people getting their heads blown off, but show a nipple? Burn it all down!
This has been a persistent problem over the years, and sadly, we’re a culture that shies away from the apparent stigma that comes with being an adult; you know, I’d say most adults don’t encounter a triple-ax wielding monster in dark alleys at night, but DO have sex. Right now, we’re worried about shielding our kids’ eyes from naked bodies, and then we’re slapping a flimsy “I’m protecting them!” excuse on our blatant transgressions. Look, I’m not adopting a “They’re going to see it eventually” attitude; that’s the last thing I want. I just implore us to be realistic about these things.
Anyway, in the case of Scorsese’s new epic The Wolf of Wall Street, some of the film’s “abundant, explicit sex” had to be cut to receive an R rating, bringing the film’s running length down to 179 minutes from its original length of 654 minutes. At least 200 of those minutes featured Jonah Hill dancing naked on top of Leonardo DiCaprio’s facial hair while Kyle Chandler smirked off to the side.
In Charlie Countryman‘s case, Evan Rachel Wood took to Twitter to rant about the MPAA’s deletion of a scene in which Shia Labeouf performed oral sex on her; no word yet on Michael Bay’s interpretation of that scene, which probably involves big robots and explosions. As for Wood’s Twitter rant, even given the site’s 140-character limit, her epic diatribe against the MPAA spanned nearly ten tweets and didn’t lose its impact. Sincere kudos to her; head to https://twitter.com/evanrachelwood to see the whole thing.
Of course, sadly, our films will continue to acquiesce to the demands of the MPAA, and eventually, we’ll see NC-17 ratings on kids movies for depicting two cartoon dogs licking each other. Or something like that.
Credit to Red Granite Pictures and The Wolf of Wall Street for all pictures. I own nothing.
Today, the Parents Television Council (also known as the GOPA, or Group of Pretentious Assholes) decided to use their oh so wonderful 1st Amendment rights to petition Congress for what is essentially a Constitutional amendment. For a TV show.
Oh yes, this group of rambunctious little worrywarts is back at it again, releasing a statement today that reads, “The Parents Television Council is calling on its members to contact Congress to express the urgent need for a consumer cable choice solution in response to the violent and sexually graphic premiere of FX’s Sons Of Anarchy, which featured a young boy committing a school shooting, simulated rape scenes, torture of women, and a man who was drowned in a bathtub of urine”, which essentially means “We didn’t like the episode, so we want everyone to conform to our highly idealistic and narrow-minded view of television in general.”
What a hoot! Last I checked, parents decided what their kids could and couldn’t watch, not a group of idiots that are getting more attention than they deserve (I’m writing an article about them, for God’s sake). What’s next? Criticizing Game of Thrones, Hannibal, or pretty much all of TV? I’m so glad there’s a council out there telling adults how to act.
Of course, all members of this group probably watch these shows in a dark room somewhere, smoking joints, giggling, and slapping each other with balloon animals. They’re so distracted that they don’t seem to notice the “TV-MA” and the “VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED” and the “THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, AND NUDITY, WHICH ARE THE EXACT THINGS WE’RE CRITICIZING” disclaimers, four or five of which accompany each episode of every show on the network.
The show is on cable and at 10 pm, and it’s not a show for tiny, messy kids with inferiority complexes. Of course, going by that definition, that’s the equivalent of saying it’s not a show for the PTC.
Credit to FX and Sons of Anarchy for all pictures. I own nothing.
In news surely to please any Community fan, or lover of comedy in general, the show is bringing back John Oliver as Professor Ian Duncan, last seen in “Applied Anthropology and Culinary Arts” back in Season A Long Time Ago.
He will have a recurring role, appearing in at least six episodes, a statement which hopefully means he will be appearing in twenty two episodes. He will also hopefully be taking on the role of Troy Barnes, preferably without any explanation whatsoever. There might be a short exchange, though, that goes something like:
Jeff: Aren’t you supposed to be black?
Oliver as Duncan as Troy: Yeah, but I made some adjustments in my life this summer. *Jumps into bed with Britta*
Logically, this should also mean he’d be taking on the role of Pierce Hawthorne, and he’s eventually going to be playing every single character in the show. That way, if Jon Stewart ever decided to guest star, he’d be there to take his place as well.
Oliver will spend his time on the show drinking lots of tea and showing off his big penis (I do not say this from experience), and he will continually want to move to a room with less balls. He will also-…whatever. He’s back. Harmon’s back. McKenna’s back. The Russos are back. Goggins and Banks are coming. It should be a great season. If it’s not, then I blame Britta.
Credit to NBC and Community for all pictures. I own nothing.
After months of speculation, AMC announced today that Bob Odenkirk will reprise his role in a spinoff of Breaking Bad, and that said spinoff will be airing on AMC. The series will involve Saul Goodman doing Saul Goodman-y things, like telling young, unsuspecting idiots to not drink and drive, but call him if they do. The series will be one hour, and will presumably consist of 20 minutes of “Better Call Saul” ads, 20 minutes of “Better Call Saul” ads, and 20 minutes of “Better Call Saul” ads.
Vince Gilligan will be involved in the creative process, and the series will most likely air sometime next year. That gives us enough time to finish screaming at the top of our lungs in reaction to Breaking Bad, and will give our families and friends enough time to look at us strangely, then move out of the country. By the time we have digested the series finale and have gone through withdrawal from the show, most of us will probably be a melted puddle of human, almost as if Walt himself dissolved us in a vat of acid.
Those of us that survive will be able to see Saul’s origins, as the series will trace his route from sleazy lawyer to sleazy lawyer of Heisenberg. Hank and Marie will probably guest star so Hank can throw in a “Jesus Christ, Marie!”, and Jesus Christ will probably descend from the skies in the form of Huell. Walt Jr. will also spend the whole series gaping idiotically at Saul.
Credit to AMC and Breaking Bad for all pictures. I own nothing.
Welcome to my coverage of the 2013 Primetime Emmys. As it’s less than a month away, I’ve decided to start a series in which I offer up my dream ballot for each major category. Then, I’ll look at the actual Emmy ballot and offer a “Who should win?” and a “Who Will Win?” for each. I hope you enjoy! Today, we’ll be looking at….
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Dream Ballot
MICHAEL CUDLITZ, “Southland”
This is one of the best performances I have ever seen. The underrated TNT show “Southland” contained a slew of Emmy worthy performances, the best of which was Cudlitz’s. He perfectly portrayed the downward spiral of his character, culminating in a shocking and heartbreaking final scene of the series.
JONATHAN BANKS, “Breaking Bad”
Although not as showy a performance as Paul’s or Esposito’s, Banks was brilliant as the cold, yet sympathetic Mike. His performance in “Say My Name” revealed the deeper facets of his character, and it was wonderful and sad to watch unfold.
NIKOLAJ COSTER-WALDAU, “Game of Thrones”
Peter Dinklage gets more recognition, but this season was Coster-Waldau’s. Jaime Lannister started off as a despicable character, but this season, I started feeling sympathetic for him. His relationship with Brienne was perfection.
MANDY PATINKIN, “Homeland”
Homeland completely went off the rails at the end of last season, but Patinkin kept his character grounded. Saul’s character became more complex, becoming the emotional center of a show that was doing a disservice to the rest of the characters. We saw deeper into his relationship with Carrie, and the final scene of the finale was beautiful.
AARON PAUL, “Breaking Bad”
Aaron Paul’s been a consistent force in the show, and his work in Season 5 was as brilliant as ever. We started to see the signs of dissent from Walt, and Paul conveyed so much through his body language. His performance in “Buyout” was wonderful and hard to watch all at once.
WALTON GOGGINS, “Justified”
Goggins has always been an absolutely essential part of the show, and while he is badass, there are also layers to his character. His war of words with Preacher Billy was an amazing thing to watch, and his relationship with Ava was beautiful.
Who should win?
This is probably the hardest category for me in terms of picking a winner. Just for that last spot, I had to choose between Noah Emmerich, Corey Stoll, Walton Goggins, Peter Dinklage, Charles Dance, and Mads Mikkelsen. They could be the nominations and I’d still be happy.
Others considered: All those mentioned above ^….and Guillermo Diaz, John Slattery, Vincent Kartheiser, Bobby Cannavale, Freddie Highmore, Larry Hagman, Sam Waterston, Jeff Perry, David Morissey, John Noble (how he never has been recognized eludes me), Steve Zahn, Jordan Gavaris, Josh Charles, Ron Perlman, Kim Coates, Michael Shannon, Dean Norris, David Harewood, David Morse, Norman Reedus, Ryan Hurst, Dax Shepard, Michael Kenneth Williams
On to the real nominations…
Jonathan Banks-Breaking Bad
Bobby Cannavale-Boardwalk Empire
Jim Carter-Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage-Game of Thrones
Aaron Paul-Breaking Bad
Mandy Patinkin-Homeland
Who should win?
Banks
Who will win?
Patinkin
Analysis
Not only is it Banks’s last chance to win, he was absolutely brilliant as Mike. However, even considering Patinkin’s snub last year, I think the voters will give him the nod over Paul. However, I’d put their chances neck and neck, with Banks right behind.
Credit to AMC, Showtime, TNT, HBO, FX, Justified, Homeland, Breaking Bad, Southland, and Game of Thrones for all pictures. I own nothing.
Polar Bears Watch TV 
Opinion: On the “Game of Thrones” Rape Scene and Ensuing Controversy
22 AprOver the past two days, I’ve witnessed thousands of angry comments and even angrier responses across the Internet, with people taking sides and expressing outrage over a scene that occurred in Sunday’s Game of Thrones episode, in which Jaime Lannister forces himself on Cersei. It’s been an ugly several days online, and after some thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that my problem with this whole fiasco is not so much the scene itself as much as it is the ensuing controversy. Continue reading →
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