Cinemax announced today that its critically acclaimed show Strike Back has been renewed for a 10-episode final fourth/fifth season of explosions and sex. It will air in fall 2014, and once again, not enough people will watch it, instead electing to go out and spend time with people on their Friday nights; oh, the nerve.
Anyway, the final season will presumably once again not allow Stonebridge to have a sex scene, instead pushing him to the background to masturbate to Scott and whatever new woman he’s picked up. In addition, the “awesome action scenes with explosions and shooting” will be returning in a recurring role, consisting of the dispatching of a bunch of terrorists and Scott and Stonebridge prancing through a field of bodies in tutus while sipping strawberry lemonade. Scott will then choke on his straw, and Stonebridge will punt him off a bridge; this will segue into some more fantastic action scenes.
As disappointing as this news is, you can’t help but be grateful to Cinemax for allowing the show to go out on its own terms. If this were on Showtime, we would have 8 seasons of crap culminating in a final scene in which Scott and Stonebridge are working as lumberjacks for Kamali’s dead body.
Still, after the show ends, we at least still have Banshee and Cinemax’s other softcore porn series, entitled “Sexy Sex In A House” and “Let’s Go To Hawaii, Then Have Hot Sex”.
I will be covering the final season next fall. I’m looking forward to it; it should be fun.
Credit to Cinemax and Strike Back for all pictures. I own nothing.
Due to the unsurprising failures of Ironside and Welcome to the Family, as well as the general awfulness of NBC as a whole, it was announced today that the beloved sitcom Community would return on January 2nd with a one hour premiere. So, two days after getting drunk on New Year’s Eve, we can all sit down and watch, all six of us.
Nevertheless, that is better than the half of a person that watched Ironside and Welcome to the Family, but enough about those shows because they’re already sinking to the bottom of the ocean along with Blair Underwood’s remains.
Of course, although this is good news, that also means we won’t have new Parks and Recreation episodes for three weeks, as NBC has decided to throw The Voice and whatever other crap they want into the 8 pm hour. Parks will return on Nov. 14, and it will move to 8:30 on January 9th.
Community will most likely run its first seven episodes, then take three weeks off for the Olympics before airing its final six of the season. This is good, as three weeks off is better than the thirteen they took off last season. Also, the show will have to be renewed for a sixth season and a movie, or all will not be right in the world.
Finally, as NBC likes to mess with us every chance they get, today is October 18th. It’s not October 19th like it should be.
In other news, Brooklyn Nine-Nine was renewed. This is good.
Credit to NBC and Community for all pictures. I own nothing.
Ryan Murphy announced today that the next season of Glee would be its last. The singing show that involves lots of people singing and making out is currently in its fifth season of people singing, and the singing will finally come to an end next year.
Murphy stated that “The final year of the show, which will be next year, was designed around Rachel and Cory/Finn’s story…I always knew that, I always knew how it would end. I knew what the last shot was, he was in it. I knew what the last line was—she said it to him. So when a tragedy like that happens, you sort of have to pause and figure out what you want to do, so we’re figuring that out now.”
Of course, he could’ve just as likely been talking about American Horror Story, as Ryan Murphy never makes any sense and has a twisted, idiotic mind.
Most likely, the final season will consist of yet another Regionals, and the Sectionals will become Sectionaled Regionals and the Regioned Regionals will become sections of the Sectionaled Sectionally Regionally Regionals. Also, more singing. The final scene will also presumably just be Rachel talking to a cardboard cutout of Cory Monteith and bawling her eyes out, and the last line of dialogue will be “You’re in heaven now, and I’m still stuck on this show.”
Credit to FOX and Glee for all pictures. I own nothing.
Charlie Hunnam in a leather jacket, which he would’ve used freely in this movie ^^
After initially mistaking his “Fifty Shades of Grey” role as one in which he gets to play a Kaiju in the bedroom, Charlie Hunnam has finally realized that no, he is not the right person for the job. After arriving on set and being asked to engage in, and I quote “Sexy stuff with sexy toys”, he went home and rummaged through his trash to find his mother’s copy of the book. He flipped to page (inset literally any page) and started reading, then immediately got an erection and threw the book into a cauldron of his blood and tears.
Universal, the production company for the movie, released a statement stating
The filmmakers of Fifty Shades of Grey and Charlie Hunnam have agreed to find another male lead given Hunnam’s immersive TV schedule which is not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey.
This statement tells us two false things: 1) Charlie Hunnam was made by a filmmaker, and 2) Charlie Hunnam has an immersive TV schedule. Hunnam apparently spends every second of his day perusing “Sons of Anarchy” scripts and smoking joints with Kurt Sutter, and therefore cannot prepare for his role. Or, the statement most likely means
Charlie Hunnam would be terrible as Christian Grey and he wouldn’t even prepare for it anyway and he has a stupid American accent.
No word yet on Dakota Johnson, but she will presumably be leaving just as soon as she comes to her senses and decides to pass on her role to a more “respected” actress (as if anyone would still be respected after engaging in softcore porn on screen for 2 hours).
Credit to FX and Sons of Anarchy for all pictures. I own nothing.
Welcome to my coverage of the 2013 Primetime Emmys. As it’s less than a day away, I’ve decided to start a series in which I offer up my dream ballot for each major category. Then, I’ll look at the actual Emmy ballot and offer a “Who should win?” and a “Who Will Win?” for each. I hope you enjoy! Today, we’ll be looking at….
OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
“BREAKING BAD”
I thought the first half of Season 5 was a step down from seasons 3 and 4, but it was still some brilliant television. Walt’s rise was expertly portrayed, and there were some devastating episodes in there. The acting, writing, and directing continued to be among the best on TV.
“HANNIBAL”
It’s a shame this wasn’t on cable, because it would have a better chance of getting recognized there. I wasn’t keen to the concept of another serial killer drama, but this show evolved into something much more. The character work was brilliant, the cinematography was gorgeous, and the show was violent and intense.
“GAME OF THRONES”
Season 3 took the show to new highs, showcasing different characters like Jaime Lannister and Catelyn Stark. It’s always impressive how many storylines the show can juggle at once, and season 3 delivered a slow buildup that culminated in one of the best TV spectacles of all time: “The Rains of Castamere”.
“RECTIFY”
One of the surprises of the TV season, “Rectify” quickly took hold and defied the natural inclinations of other shows. It moved slowly, favoring character focus and examination of everyday life over quick moving storylines, violence, and sex. The acting was as good as you’ll ever see on TV.
“THE AMERICANS”
The spy drama set in the Cold-War era quickly burst onto the scene, delivering one of the best first seasons of any show in recent memory. Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell anchored a wonderful cast, and each episode brought the intrigue, character development, and action that any spy drama requires.
“MAD MEN”
One of the staples of the current television era, “Mad Men” was as good as ever in season 6. It brilliantly portrayed two agencies clashing over business, then combined them and grew into an examination of characters like Don and Peggy. New characters like Bob Benson were the subject of speculation on the Internet. Betty was integrated well. The season finale was a masterpiece. All in all, another great season.
Which should win?
I hate not picking Breaking Bad, but honestly, Hannibal and Rectify might get my pick over it. Mad Men was just as deserving as well.
Others considered: Scandal, Spartacus, Treme, Justified, Homeland, House of Cards, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, Parenthood, Southland, Bates Motel, Fringe, Orphan Black
On to the real nominations…
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Homeland
House of Cards
Mad Men
Which should win?
Breaking Bad
Which will win?
House of Cards
Analysis: This is a strange choice, but I’m going all in on it. I expect House of Cards to be the Homeland of this year, as it has big buzz around it in the form of Oscar winner Kevin Spacey and the Netflix model. However, it won’t sweep the top awards, as Danes is unstoppable. I don’t think it deserves to win, but I’m predicting it will. As for Breaking Bad, that would be my second choice, especially considering the final season is airing opposite the Emmys this year (if Breaking Bad doesn’t sweep all the awards next year, I’ll be angry. This final half-season is the best it has ever been). Homeland could win, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it did, but I feel like the voters recognized the drop in quality this year.
Credit to AMC, NBC, HBO, Sundance, FX, The Americans, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Rectify, Game of Thrones, and Hannibal for all pictures. I own nothing.
(Spoilers for the whole series) We’re near the end, folks. After 8 seasons and 96 episodes, the once beloved serial killer drama is at the finish line. I thought I’d take a second and reflect on what place this show has in our cultural landscape, as well as offer a final evaluation of the show sans finale.
Let’s head back to October 1, 2006, the day of the Dexter series premiere. The show premiered in that space right after the end of “The Sopranos”, during the run of “The Shield”, and before the start of “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad”. It was, and still is, a television world dominated by anti-heroes. Dexter Morgan fit right in.
Michael C. Hall, fresh off of “Six Feet Under”, was cast as the titular character, a likeable blood spatter analyst that spent his nights offing criminals. It was an intriguing premise, and we were asked to think about our morals for a second: Is this right? Is this a person I should be rooting for? Yet, most people overwhelmingly said yes, choosing to ride along with Dexter as he navigated the fine line between crime and clean up. We watched as the first season, filled with so much potential, threw us into this world, exploring the relationship of Dexter and his brother. We watched breathlessly as the second season forced Dexter to cover his tracks more than ever before, playing off the tense, darkly comedic dichotomy of Dexter and Doakes. We watched Dexter find someone else like him in season three, and we watched Dexter deal with a terrifying family man (and one of the best villains of all time), the Trinity Killer, in season four. We then watched as Dexter went downhill from there, and here we are.
What made people stick so long with the show, though? Why did we even get into it? I’m sure everyone has a different answer, but here’s the main foundation: this is a guy that never wanted to be this way. He was always an outsider, and he has had to act his whole life. Yet, the show also plays off the idea that every single one of us has a Dark Passenger, just like him. The character of Dexter Morgan is a safe place to turn those thoughts to, and we don’t suffer the consequences. We can sympathize and relate, and it makes him much more compelling.
Back to 2006. Dexter-mania swept across the nation. We nominated the show year after year, we bought T-shirts and other products, and we idolized the character. He was always a steady force, never changing, Yet, this is what hurt the show in the long run. “Dexter” is a show that is able to sustain itself for eight seasons, but it’s a show that shouldn’t do so; this is especially the case for a show in which the main character is pretty much the only interesting character (with the exception of Deb and several villains). I knew Showtime was going to milk as much money out of it as possible, and I accepted that it would overstay its welcome. I was right.
In fact, the show was starting to show signs off this at the end of season 2. Doakes was killed, and Dexter got off without facing consequences. That would’ve been fine there, but year after year afterwards, he never had to truly come to terms with his life and its consequences. Even after Rita’s death, we didn’t feel as many reverberating effects as we should have. Debra Morgan, played by the magnificent Jennifer Carpenter, found out about Dexter’s secret, and then what? At first, that arc was brilliant; Deb had to struggle over whether or not to side with her brother or the law, and her choice made sense. The thing is, when that storyline still hasn’t come to a resolution, you know there’s been a lot of wheel spinning going on. The first few episodes of this final season dealt with this, but Deb eventually wandered off on her own.
While we’re at it, let’s come back to the present and look at the final season. It is a season of wasted opportunity that started near the end of season 7, the season that wasted the brilliant Isaac Sirko and introduced the middling Hannah McKay. I don’t buy Dexter and Hannah’s relationship, and I wish it never came to fruition. In fact, he had more chemistry with Lumen. Dexter should’ve been on the run by now, and his biggest problem shouldn’t be whether or not he catches his flight to Argentina. He shouldn’t have to be dealing with the multitude of new characters; he should be facing both his inner demons and his friends/family. He was never a monster, but he does have to pay.
Perhaps I’m being too nitpicky about an idealistic show in which a regular guy goes around dispatching baddies. Still, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for one of my favorite shows to actually have an endgame. Whether or not the finale is a convoluted mess (more likely) or a masterpiece, one thing is for certain: “Dexter” will always remain one of the most iconic shows of all time. I’m not sure how I feel about that argument, and I wish I could agree…if only the show hadn’t been elongated due to greed, and had scratched the surface of the characters.
Still, I’ll be watching tonight. Farewell, Dexter. Don’t drop Harrison in the water by accident or something. Actually, that would be hilarious.
Credit to Showtime and Dexter for all pictures. I own nothing.
Welcome to my coverage of the 2013 Primetime Emmys. As it’s less than a day away, I’ve decided to start a series in which I offer up my dream ballot for each major category. Then, I’ll look at the actual Emmy ballot and offer a “Who should win?” and a “Who Will Win?” for each. I hope you enjoy! Today, we’ll be looking at….
OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
“LOUIE”
This was an insanely great season of television, featuring wonderful guest stars in Melissa Leo and Parker Posey, always hilarious situations, and a surprisingly emotional final arc.
“30 ROCK”
In the final season of the beloved show, Tina Fey, her writers, and the rest of the cast pulled off one of the best endings of all time. The series finale was perfect, and the episodes leading up to it was full of classic 30 Rock humor, fast paced dialogue, and character moments for the people we’ve come to love.
“NEW GIRL”
The second season of the show elevated it from good to great, becoming more hilarious than ever. It also deftly handled the Nick-Jess relationship in a way that a central sitcom relationship has never been handled before. Deschanel and Johnson are brilliant, and Greenfield and Morris round out the cast nicely.
“ENLIGHTENED”
I loved this show. It was realistic, genuine, moving, and hilarious, and Laura Dern and Mike White did some of the most fantastic acting I’ve seen on television, and the ending was pretty much perfect. It’s not a show for everyone, but give it a try. It will draw you in. *Expect TV Classic coverage of the show in the winter.
“VEEP”
The biting, satirical HBO comedy was on its game once again last year. It delivered episode after episode of quotable insults, hilarious facial expressions, and cringe-worthy situations. It also sports one of the best casts on TV.
“GIRLS”
I had a hard time choosing between this and “Parks and Recreation” for the final spot, but I ultimately went here because I thought it did a better job of telling a complex, cohesive storyline. All the actors did wonderful work portraying people heading down dark paths, and the show was still funny.
Who should win?
It’s between Enlightened and Louie.
Others considered: Parks and Recreation, Archer, The Office, Happy Endings, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Wilfred, The Big Bang Theory, Arrested Development, Raising Hope, The Middle
On to the real nominations…
30 Rock
The Big Bang Theory
Girls
Louie
Modern Family
Veep
Which should win?
Louie
Which will win?
30 Rock
Analysis: I’m feeling it, guys. I’m feeling Modern Family’s streak will end. However, it’s a toss up between 30 Rock and Big Bang for the win, and I’m going with 30 Rock due to possible final season nostalgia. However, Louie is still the absolute best of the six shows, and I’m happy it was at least recognized.
Credit to Louie, Girls, Enlightened, 30 Rock, New Girl, Veep, FOX, HBO, NBC, and FX for all pictures. I own nothing.
Welcome to my coverage of the 2013 Primetime Emmys. As it’s less than a week away, I’ve decided to start a series in which I offer up my dream ballot for each major category. Then, I’ll look at the actual Emmy ballot and offer a “Who should win?” and a “Who Will Win?” for each. I hope you enjoy! Today, we’ll be looking at….
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Dream Ballot
HUGH DANCY, “Hannibal”
In a performance strikingly similar to wife Claire Danes’ Carrie Mathison, Dancy is playing the role of a mentally unstable, workaholic character. He commits to the role with sometimes terrifying resolve, resulting in a character who draws us in to his spiral into madness. His work in the later parts of the season is matched by very few.
ADEN YOUNG, “Rectify”
In an intense, complex, and moving performance, Aden Young delivered Emmy-worthy scenes across only six episodes. It’s a quiet performance, but that just makes it even more impressive. Young was always focused, even during scenes where he was just staring off into the distance.
BRYAN CRANSTON, “Breaking Bad”
Cranston is always at the top of his game as Walter White, and in the first half of the fifth season, he was just as good as ever, delivering a chilling performance as a mastermind on top of the world. His relationships with Skyler, Jesse, and Mike were all incredibly compelling and heartbreaking, and he was a major part of that.
JON HAMM, “Mad Men”
This guy deserves an Emmy. The problem is, there are so many other fantastic actors that he always falls by the wayside. Still, his performance in season 6 explored his troubled past, taking him down a dark path as he bounced off people like Peggy, Pete, Megan, and Sylvia. The finale was a masterpiece for both him and the show.
DAMIAN LEWIS, “Homeland”
Last year’s winner, Lewis remained superb as Nicholas Brody, delivering one of the best television performances ever in “Q&A” (one of the best television episodes ever, as well). Although the show went off the rails after that, he maintained that steely presence, taking his relationships with Abu Nazir and Carrie Mathison a step deeper.
MATTHEW RHYS, “The Americans”
I had an extremely difficult time choosing between him and Timothy Olyphant for the final spot, but I chose him. He handled Philip’s character shifts extremely well, interacting with Elizabeth and Martha in different ways. He can portray spy and regular person equally well, and he had a nice wig and glasses.
Who should win?
This may be the toughest category. Both Young and Dancy need recognition, as they’re both in low-rated, but brilliant shows. Lewis had the best episodic performance out of all of them, but the season as a whole wasn’t as great for him as season 1. Rhys was great, but not good enough to win. Hamm should have won already. Cranston should still win. I have no idea.
Others considered: Timothy Olyphant, Steve Buscemi, Kevin Spacey, Michael C. Hall, Jonny Lee Miller, Peter Krause, Clarke Peters, Andre Braugher, Michael Emerson, Joshua Jackson, Jeff Daniels
On to the real nominations…
Hugh Bonneville, “Downton Abbey”
Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”
Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom”
Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Damian Lewis, “Homeland”
Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”
Who should win?
Hamm
Who will win?
Spacey
Analysis: I think Spacey can take the crown and be the Damian Lewis of this year. I wouldn’t be surprised if he won; the voters love movie stars. Lewis also could win, considering “Q&A” was a perfect showcase for him, and Cranston was very good as well (I think that “Crawl Space” was a much better episode for him, though, and he didn’t win for that). Again, JON HAMM NEEDS AN EMMY. His work in the finale was magnificent.
Credit to Sundance, AMC, NBC, Showtime, FX, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Americans, Rectify, Hannibal, and Homeland for all pictures. I own nothing.
In just one of the steps leading up to a world in which every single TV season is split into two, yet is called one season, AMC has decided to split Mad Men’s final season in two. AMC executives reportedly spent about 6 seconds deliberating, then made this decision while rolling in piles of money and giggling like little schoolchildren. In a statement read to the press, AMC president Ilike Money announced, “Because we’re AMC and our new shows suck, we’ve decided to do this because we don’t like sucking. We also like Emmys.” AMC will spend the next couple years holding onto Mad Men as they drown in a sea of mediocrity, and will probably renew “The Walking Dead”, and its spinoff, for at least 36 more seasons.
Each half-season will consist of 7 episodes, with the first batch titled “The Beginning” and the second batch titled “The End of an Era”. So, the first batch will presumably be just a bunch of clip shows of Don Draper as a kid, frolicking around in a whorehouse while gaping at naked women. The second batch will consist of seven episodes of Matthew Weiner feeding his child, Ego.
“We plan to take advantage of this chance to have a more elaborate story told in two parts, which can resonate a little bit longer in the minds of our audience,” Weiner said, in a statement that makes no sense because they could’ve easily just have slapped “The beginning of the end of an era” on the final season and told an elaborate story that resonated in the minds of their audience. This is a show that usually takes a couple episodes to really get going, so by the time each really gets going, we’ll already be at the finale.
Anyway, I guess it’s time to speculate who’s going to end up on the toilet in Season 7A’s finale. Or, maybe an army of Bob Bensons will destroy everyone before we can get a chance to say goodbye.
Or, maybe Jon Hamm will finally get that Emmy he deserves.
“Not a chance.” -Emmy voters
Credit to AMC and Mad Men for all pictures. I own nothing.
Welcome to my coverage of the 2013 Primetime Emmys. As it’s less than a week away, I’ve decided to start a series in which I offer up my dream ballot for each major category. Then, I’ll look at the actual Emmy ballot and offer a “Who should win?” and a “Who Will Win?” for each. I hope you enjoy! Today, we’ll be looking at….
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
TATIANA MASLANY, “Orphan Black”
Maslany burst onto the scene this year for her brilliant work as various clones of herself in Orphan Black, showing off her wide range as an actress. No other person in this category impressed me more than she did, and she’d be entirely deserving of recognition here. Even when the show was on its off days, Maslany was the glue holding everything together.
EMMY ROSSUM, “Shameless”
It confuses me as to why Showtime’s comedies garner more recognition than this show. It’s terrible, though, because Emmy Rossum isn’t getting enough attention. She’s a gorgeous, talented actress that is capable of acting the hell out of her role as Fiona Gallagher.
KERI RUSSELL, “The Americans”
Playing a Russian spy, Keri Russell was perfect as Elizabeth Jennings, a cold yet complex character that was a joy to watch unfold. Her interactions with Matthew Rhys’ Philip were compelling, and Russell took her character down a dark, terrifying path that culminated in the explosive season finale. Her acting in that episode was flawless.
CLAIRE DANES, “Homeland”
Last year’s winner Claire Danes was no less wonderful this season, and the only reason her character could be frustrating was because of the writers. She continued to terrifically portray the determined, yet kind of crazy, Carrie Mathison, and “Q&A” was one of the best television episodes I’ve ever seen. Her interrogation scenes with Damian Lewis’ Nick Brody were compelling, raw, and frightening. She is completely deserving of another nomination.
KERRY WASHINGTON, “Scandal”
She held the first season and the first part of last season together, the character of Olivia Pope quickly becoming one of the best characters on TV. She’s just so much fun to watch, and as the show moved in a more serialized direction, she got better as the supporting cast got better. She’s an anchor in the breakout show of last season.
ELISABETH MOSS, “Mad Men”
Peggy Olson is one of my favorite characters on TV, and she’s a deserving nominee. Her role in the sixth season was just as good as her work beforehand, and Peggy’s arc of independence allowed Moss to bring out new aspects of her character. When the two companies merged, Moss deftly portrayed a woman caught between two lives.
Who should win?
Maslany by a hair over Rossum, with Danes close behind
Others considered: Khandi Alexander, Vera Farmiga, Julianna Margulies, Glenn Close, Connie Britton, Michelle Dockery, Robin Wright, Nina Dobrev, Maggie Q, Mariska Hargitay
On to the real nominations…
Connie Britton, “Nashville”
Claire Danes, “Homeland”
Michelle Dockery, “Downton Abbey”
Vera Farmiga, “Bates Motel”
Elisabeth Moss, “Mad Men”
Kerry Washington, “Scandal”
Robin Wright, “House of Cards”
Who should win?
Moss
Who will win?
Danes
Analysis: It’s about time that the wonderful Elisabeth Moss won something, but still, Danes is fantastic, and I’m confident that the voters will award her a second award in a row. “Q&A” was just so great.
Credit to BBC America, Showtime, ABC, FX, AMC, Mad Men, The Americans, Scandal, Orphan Black, Homeland, and Shameless for all pictures. I own nothing.
Cinemax announced today that its critically acclaimed show Strike Back has been renewed for a 10-episode final fourth/fifth season of explosions and sex. It will air in fall 2014, and once again, not enough people will watch it, instead electing to go out and spend time with people on their Friday nights; oh, the nerve.
Polar Bears Watch TV 