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True Blood “Thank You” Review (7×10)

25 Aug

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Thank you, True Blood, for finally limping off the air after seven seasons, and thank you for doing it in quite possibly the worst way possible. Seriously, what is this? Does this show enjoy making its audience lower expectations so far that we can see the pile of shit that is the Dexter finale staring accusingly at us? Are the writers deliberately trolling the entire fan base, or are they legitimately horrible writers? I pick the latter. I have multiple seasons of evidence, after all.

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True Blood “Jesus Gonna Be Here” Review (7×01)

22 Jun

true-blood-trailer-final-season-7-dl1The last time we were in Bon Temps was during a time I would label “too soon ago”, but alas, here we are again, and it’s time for True Blood‘s seventh and final season. “Jesus Gonna Be Here” is an episode that opens the season in a way akin to me reciting phone numbers out of a phone book that’s been pissed on countless times. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’ll go with it; interestingly enough, “I don’t know, but I’ll go with it” is the show motto! Continue reading

True Blood to end in 2014, presumably after the world is overrun by fairy-vampire-werewolf hybrids

3 Sep

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(Spoilers) In news that is three hours old, but has already caused thousands of True Blood fans to cry out in anguish, Brian Buckner, showrunner of the somehow still hit show, announced that the upcoming seventh season will be the last. At the words “seventh season”, the fans all thought for a minute, then nodded their heads as if to say “Yes, this is good.”

The final season, set to air next summer, will presumably involve the aftermath of Eric’s nude inferno ice glacier book-reading whatever the hell that was. This will consist of Eric standing in the background of every scene, nude and on fire, not noticed by any of the other characters. They will apparently have more important things to do, like having sex in the woods or being uninteresting.

Buckner insists that “as we take a final walk through Bon Temps together, we will do our very best to bring Sookie’s story to a close with heart, imagination and, of course, fun.” This is, of course, interesting wording, as Sookie’s walks usually lead to danger. I can only infer that heart, imagination, and fun will jump out of the woods and tear her to pieces, but not before she meets a random hot guy that wants to kill her.

The season will consist of 10 episodes, continuing the format of the last season.

Also, Alcide will be there and he’ll take off his shirt or something.

Credit for picture to HBO and True Blood. I own nothing.

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