The Walking Dead “30 Days Without An Accident” Review (4×01)

14 Oct

627-4The Walking Dead has always been a bleak show, taking the opposite end of the spectrum from shows like Falling Skies. Optimism and cheer haven’t been very present in the show, which makes it all the more surprising when the season 4 premiere opens with characters smiling, cracking jokes, and working together. Some time has passed since the Governor declared war on the prison, and our characters are now settling down, learning the rudimentary skills needed to survive in a post-apocalyptic world (like knife-using, as taught by Carol). On the one hand, it’s great seeing these people act more like human beings, but on the other hand, the cast is so large that most of the supporting characters feel like plot devices. Who knows? Maybe one day, the show will become an engrossing character drama. Yeah, probably not.

What the show excels at is the zombies, as to be expected when the entire premise is zombies. The scene in which a bunch of them crash through the ceiling is extremely entertaining, and this proves that the show still hasn’t run out of ideas in regards to walker deaths. The gore hasn’t let up and neither have the visuals.

This is our only action sequence in the episode, though, one that consists of a lot of talking. One of these plots involves Rick and a woman he meets in the woods, and it’s a compelling story that serves to comment on the show’s themes of humanity and survival. She attacks him impulsively because of a need of survival, and this brings up the question of whether isolation is best for survival or not. There’s a lot of weight in these scenes, and it’s disappointing that it only lasts for one episode.

Ultimately, the episode plods along at a snail’s pace. While I’m happy about the character work, the characters just aren’t compelling enough to sustain a whole episode’s worth of entertainment.

GRADE: B-

OTHER THOUGHTS:

-So, Daryl and Carol, huh.

-Speaking of, Daryl’s a celebrity now!

-I like how the walker with no legs is the only walker able to see the guy whose leg is pinned.

-Rick’s a gardener now!

-Glen and Maggie are doing alright.

-If, after the “Humans kill other humans, and they have names.” line, Carl went “You’re right!” and shot her in the face, then I would forgive the show for a lot of things.

-So, there’s apparently a virus of some sort that’s killed one person in the prison already. It’s all the pig’s fault!

-I’ve never watched Talking Dead, and I have no idea what can possibly be discussed for half an hour.

Credit to AMC and The Walking Dead for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Saturday Night Live “Bruce Willis/Katy Perry” Live Blog/Review (39×03)

13 Oct

Bruce-WillisAs always, check back in every 10 minutes or so for live updates.

GRAVITY: It isn’t surprising that SNL would parody the number one movie in the country, and it’s a solid cold open. The premise is flimsy and the sketch is a bit empty, but Thompson and McKinnon are extremely entertaining as the janitors back in Houston. I enjoyed Thompson’s Willy Wonka suggestion, but another government shutdown joke? Sigh. GRADE: B

MONOLOGUE: I like Bruce Willis, but I couldn’t care less about his harmonica-playing or his daughters. There really isn’t anything funny here, and Moynihan isn’t terrible enough at the harmonica to be funny. GRADE: C

24 HOUR ENERGY: This is mainly an excuse for everyone to scream and exaggerate, and it’s alright. I’m not exactly sure about the accuracy of the scenarios depicted here, but it’s a creative enough premise. I just wish they had gone further with this, maybe exploring the 24-Hour Energy For Dating Actors? GRADE: B-

BLACK OPS: This plays off of Willis’ action background, but it ends up being disappointing; it could’ve been so much better if Willis was stronger. Moynihan’s excited reactions to the proceedings are priceless, but Willis seems a little too nonchalant for his own good. I couldn’t even understand half of what he was saying. GRADE: B-

BARBER SHOP: Once again, Willis is the weak link here, which sadly drags down the grade of the sketch a bit. He gets in some funny lines, but what really makes it work are Thompson’s and Pharoah’s reactions to everything. Their interactions with each other are comedy gold, and I’d watch a whole episode of that. GRADE: B-

BOY DANCE PARTY: Now this is some well-produced fun. It’s reminiscent of those fantastic digital shorts, and it’s catchy and silly. The freeze-frame of Taran Killam spraying silly string is priceless, and it’s the best sketch of the night so far. GRADE: B+

LADY GAGA TALK SHOW: Nothing here really works; Willis is awkward, and…that’s it. Bayer’s Gaga isn’t really anything special, McKinnon’s Cruz isn’t up to her other impressions, and Killam’s DJ gets old after a  while. The premise is bad in and of itself, so you’ll enjoy it if you’re not expecting much. GRADE: C

WEEKEND UPDATE: Strong seems to be getting better every week. She has tons of chemistry with Meyers, and the news jokes are pretty strong this week; the Jenner jokes are fantastic. Thompson is great as Chaplain Barry Black, and his rants are a thing of beauty. As for Wheelan, I’m glad he’s getting more screen time, but his turn as the tattoo guy here doesn’t work for me. GRADE: B

KIRBY: Yeah, this is love or hate, but I’m on the “hate” side. I just don’t get it. Yeah, he loves cats and he’s annoying as hell, but he steals the sketch without actually stealing the sketch. It’s overlong and unfunny, and they need to scrap this. GRADE: C-

CENTAURI VODKA: Well, this isn’t much. All the sketch contains is Willis in an awful centaur costume with Milhiser suffocating behind him, and it gets unfunny in a hurry, even though it’s an extremely short sketch. GRADE: C+

CHON, or CHUN, or whatever: This is an annoying sketch. Yes, it’s entertaining at first to watch Killam ham it up over a mix-up of two words, but this gets old fast. Also, Killam’s screaming becomes almost like nails on a chalkboard. I said they need to scrap Kirby, but this one needs to go first. No, it is not funny. Glice was not funny, either. GRADE: D+

SIGMA: This is a good, low key sketch that allows a couple of newcomers to shine. Their deadpan delivery makes everything all the more hilarious, and what they’re actually talking about is as well. It’s short, sweet, and a nice way to round out the evening. GRADE: B

KATY PERRY: I like Katy Perry’s personality and her voice at times, and these two songs are good enough for her. There’s a generic-ness to both of them, but they’re entertaining and deliver catchy beats. Like last week, we have two perfectly good pop songs. GRADE: B

Oh come on, repeat sketch already?

OVERALL GRADE: C

BEST SKETCH: BOY DANCE PARTY

WORST SKETCH: CHON/KIRBY

FINAL THOUGHTS: This episode ends up being as unmemorable as I was expecting. Willis is a mediocre host, Perry is a fine musical guest, and there are some truly awful sketches in there. The good sketches never cross over into great, though, but there are still some truly funny moments: Thompson/Pharoah in the barbershop, the new guys in Sigma (still can’t remember their names), and everyone in “Boy Dance Party.” In two weeks, Edward Norton/Janelle Monáe.

Credit to NBC and Saturday Night Live for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Charlie Hunnam realizes what he got himself into, backs out of “Fifty Shades of Grey”

12 Oct

627Charlie Hunnam in a leather jacket, which he would’ve used freely in this movie ^^

After initially mistaking his “Fifty Shades of Grey” role as one in which he gets to play a Kaiju in the bedroom, Charlie Hunnam has finally realized that no, he is not the right person for the job. After arriving on set and being asked to engage in, and I quote “Sexy stuff with sexy toys”, he went home and rummaged through his trash to find his mother’s copy of the book. He flipped to page (inset literally any page) and started reading, then immediately got an erection and threw the book into a cauldron of his blood and tears.

Universal, the production company for the movie, released a statement stating

The filmmakers of Fifty Shades of Grey and Charlie Hunnam have agreed to find another male lead given Hunnam’s immersive TV schedule which is not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey.

This statement tells us two false things: 1) Charlie Hunnam was made by a filmmaker, and 2) Charlie Hunnam has an immersive TV schedule. Hunnam apparently spends every second of his day perusing “Sons of Anarchy” scripts and smoking joints with Kurt Sutter, and therefore cannot prepare for his role. Or, the statement most likely means

Charlie Hunnam would be terrible as Christian Grey and he wouldn’t even prepare for it anyway and he has a stupid American accent.

No word yet on Dakota Johnson, but she will presumably be leaving just as soon as she comes to her senses and decides to pass on her role to a more “respected” actress (as if anyone would still be respected after engaging in softcore porn on screen for 2 hours).

Credit to FX and Sons of Anarchy for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Strike Back “Shadow Warfare, Episode 9” Review (3×09/4×09)

12 Oct

Strike-Back-Season-3-Episode-9-Preview

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR MY SEASON FINALE (EPISODE 10) REVIEW, HERE IT IS: https://polarbearstv.com/2013/10/19/strike-back-shadow-warfare-episode-10-review-3x104x10/

“So they all just kill each other, huh? Makes you wonder why we even need to be there!”

The penultimate episode of this season ramps up the intensity and the action, delivering shocks and thrills at every turn. It’s hard to believe that we’re already nearly finished with the season, but here we are.

Let’s talk about Ester. As Kamali’s daughter, she imbues a sense of reality into the proceedings; she’s just an innocent girl caught in a web of lies, betrayal, and violence. Scott recognizes this, and she serves as his “other side”, a side that wants to escape from this web. Amidst all the action in this episode, he sits down to have a revealing conversation with her after informing her of her dad’s death. It’s a quietly heartbreaking moment, as Scott opens up about his lack of connection to his child. He’s the kind of guy that’s always needed someone to connect with, and that’s why he turns so often to sex. Stonebridge fills his professional and brotherly needs, but Ester inspires his paternal instincts.

As for Kamali, who’s outed as Al-Zuhari at episode’s end, I’m not sure about this decision. On the one hand, it sets up for an explosive season finale in which Scott and Stonebridge come face to face with a supposed ally; on the other hand, it’s much more powerful to have Kamali go out with his motives ambiguous. He was just a regular person in a tight spot before now. Now, however, he’s a criminal mastermind that’s outsmarted everyone, and it winds up being Dalton that was right the whole time. We don’t see much of him here, so I’ll wait till next week to pass judgment on the decision.

Still, even with the uncertainty over that final reveal, I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. It’s pretty much nonstop action, the location moving from a carnival to a building to a train and improving each time. One thing that never goes bad is the action, and it’s good to know the show’s still got it.

GRADE: A-

OTHER THOUGHTS:

-The Section 20 folks can’t seem to catch a break in this episode. When you think about it, they’ve actually been outsmarted at every turn; they haven’t been very successful: Dalton went off the rails, Scott and Stonebridge can’t keep anyone alive in this episode, and Kamali’s Al-Zuhari. It’s smart of the show to parallel this with Scott and Stonebridge’s slivers of hope at leaving.

-The train scene is awesome. It reminds me of the opening sequence of “Skyfall”, which is impressive considering this show has very little money compared to that movie.

-What’s up with Richmond and Stonebridge?

-I want to see Scott fight in a vat of cotton candy.

-Locke has had his ups and downs, but I’m warming up to his character more.

-Stonebridge slicing that guy’s artery…I shudder to think about it. Looks like he’s all right now.

-Season finale next week, followed by the six episode “Chris Ryan’s Strike Back” starting October 18th

Credit to Cinemax and Strike Back for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Thursday TV Round Up 10/10/13: Parks and Recreation, The Vampire Diaries, Parenthood

11 Oct

Due to my lack of time to write 3 separate reviews, I’ve decided to introduce TV Round-ups to provide abbreviated thoughts on shows I’ve watched.

DATE: October 10, 2013

SHOWS COVERED: Parks and Recreation, The Vampire Diaries, Parenthood

627-4PARKS AND RECREATION, “DOPPELGANGERS” (6×04)

Now here’s a much better way to handle Leslie Knope. Last week, she bordered on insufferable because 1) No one called her out on her actions, and 2) Her relationship with Eagleton isn’t as deeply personal as her relationship with Ann. While at times she may seem childish, her actions here are understandable. She’s acting out because her best friend has told her she’s leaving (the scene where Ann goes to Leslie with waffles and a picture of Joe Biden is sweet and hilarious).

We also have a bunch of Eagleton Doppelgangers joining the proceedings, and it’s absolutely fantastic. I like that all of them aren’t really straight up “rivals”; there’s a spin on each that subverts my expectations of what the show would do with the character. Billy Eichner and Sam Elliott are wonderful here.

GRADE: B+

627THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, “TRUE LIES” (5×02)

This is a slower episode than last week’s, seemingly more of a “move the pieces into place” episode. It’s not bad, but there seems to be a bit of wheel-spinning going on. It’s always entertaining to see Silas-Stefan, especially when he’s battling it out with Jeremy, and I think Bonnie’s storyline is better handled this week. Her scenes with Matt are touching, and she doesn’t feel as superfluous here. In addition, Katherine is becoming increasingly entertaining; I could watch her complain about her sinus infection all day.

However, I’m finding that the Damon-Elena scenes don’t work for me. Elena’s made her choice, and bringing up the Stefan drama again is tiring.

GRADE: B

627-2PARENTHOOD, “Nipple Confusion” (5×03)

The episode has its ups and downs. I love the Crosby storyline; it really details the difficulties of parenthood in a moving, realistic way. In addition, the Zeek and Camille storyline shines; they never get enough to do, and this episode shows exactly why they’re great. It’s a very relatable and realistic conversation to have, and I’m looking forward to where this goes.

As for Sarah, I hope that she can settle down and focus on photography. I love that Hank calls her out on her “flightiness”, and I like that he doesn’t sugarcoat things too much when she visits him later with the photos. She has a need for validation from others, and I like that Hank just compliments her on her photography, not her person.

The Drew college adventures are pretty inconsequential, mainly used as an excuse to have Matt Lauria act all badass. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to watch. Joel and Julia’s spat seems a little excessive, but it’s still rooted in reality. I hope that Julia’s relationship with Ed doesn’t turn romantic, as I think it’s an extremely interesting premise to explore an emotional connection, not a physical one.

Now, on to Kristina. She acts childish in this episode; I’m having a hard time believing that she wouldn’t worry about their finances. Also, it’s unrealistic that she would get going this quickly. I love Monica Potter, but this storyline’s dragging a bit.

GRADE: B

Credit to NBC, The CW, Parenthood, The Vampire Diaries, and Parks and Recreation for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Scandal “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” Review (3×03)

11 Oct

627-1

Huck and Olivia. Olivia and Eli. There’s an interesting dynamic going on here that’s based upon trust: Eli’s the person who Olivia should be able to trust; he’s a dad, and dads are supposed to care for their children. Now, I have no doubt that he cares about Olivia, but his way of caring for her is pretty much emotionally abusing her and using her career as a justification. He probably has some kind of endgame here, and he’s definitely her biggest enemy because he knows how to hurt her: hurt those around her. He’s the kind of guy that always gets what he wants. On the other side, we have Huck, someone who someone like Olivia shouldn’t need to trust. Yet, she’s able to relate with him more so than anyone else, and she needs him as much as he needs her.

Huck finding out about Liv’s father blows up this whole situation. Not only is it detrimental to Olivia, but it’s sure to leave deep and painful marks on Huck’s psyche. What else, really, is keeping him going aside from Olivia and his job? He’s lost his wife. He’s lost his son. He’s now lost Olivia. You can see the pain in his eyes in that parking garage, and it’s heartbreaking because we know what this will do to him.

That sense of loss is contrasted with the events surrounding Jeannine. In a sense, everyone wins here: Jeannine’s going to make a ton of money, Olivia gets Jake back, Fitz gets to be the hero, and Cyrus and Mellie are successful in pinning the affair on Jeannine. In a sense, everyone loses here. Olivia has to endure so much and agree to so much, all just for Jake, Fitz doesn’t get to reveal to the world his love for Olivia, and Fitz and Cyrus are set to be under Eli’s manipulative net.

Speaking of Fitz, he’s now starting to take back the power a bit. Cyrus has held off because he knows that he’s on thin ice, and Mellie isn’t really adapting to Fitz’s slight personality change. As Fitz continues to feed his delusions, he’s gaining power. Yet, we know that he could come tumbling down any second, presidential balls or not.

The episode as a whole seems quieter, but it really moves the plot forward while filling in the blanks of the past. Everyone’s losing something and gaining something, and this constant cycle doesn’t bode well for our characters in the future. Maybe that suicide bomber will blow everything up next week, and Harrison will be left standing there, not knowing what to do with himself. Maybe he’ll eventually find some farm animal somewhere to become completely devoted to.

Other thoughts:

-Joe Morton’s killing it as Eli; his interactions with Washington are thing of beauty. Even if the plot and the character shifts are a bit too fast at times, the actors make it work. Also, I’d watch a whole episode of him giving intense speeches.

-David Rosen’s flashback goatee.

-The show should get Toby Ziegler to rant and point out everyone’s flaws.

Credit to ABC and Scandal for all pictures. I own nothing.

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American Horror Story: Coven “Bitchcraft” Review (3×01)

10 Oct

627-3Just a couple quick bullets coming up…

-It’s always great to have this show back; it’s truly an insanely entertaining hour each week. This year, it feels as if the tone is back to Season 1 lighthearted fare. Yes, there are several dark scenes (more on that later), but it seems like the camp has been turned up a notch. While last year, the prison contributed to an all-encompassing feeling, we’re now back to throwing whatever craziness on screen we can and hoping it’ll fit.

-I really loved Taissa Farmiga back in season 1, and I’m glad she’s back. She has great chemistry with Evan Peters, and she portrays her characters’ vulnerability and reactions to her increasing powers very well. Also, she kills people by having sex with them. That’s interesting. Death by snu snu, right?

-The rest of the younger cast is fantastic as well; Emma Roberts has fun with her role, but she’s also able to convey her feelings over the rape (again, more on that later) in a nuanced way. Or, at least as nuanced as AHS can get.

-Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange are compelling to watch; they’re accomplished actresses, and I look forward to seeing them two in the same scene as Paulson and Bassett. It’s sure to be exciting. Speaking of Bassett, she’s fantastic as Marie Laveau.

-The season seems to be exploring the themes of oppression and injustice in the feminine world, and there are also racial undertones thrown in there. I’m not sure how exactly I feel about Ryan Murphy commenting on society, but it’s an angle that makes sense from a horror perspective. We’ll see.

-The opening sequence and the rape sequence are sure to be the more controversial scenes in the episode. There’s always a question to be asked here: should we dismiss these scenes as just another component of the insanity of the show, or is a line crossed? I think it’is a little bit of both. The show seems to revel in its horrific treatment of its characters (there’s not as much focus on Madison’s revenge as there is the actual rape) , but at a certain point, it becomes overly gratuitous. Personally, it doesn’t bother me, but I can see why it would do so for others.

-Lily Rabe, Francis Conroy, and Denis O’Hare are all back. I need to see more of what they’re up to.

-I didn’t even recognize O’Hare. This should be awesome.

-“Don’t make me drop a house on you.”

-“When are you gonna die and stop ruining my life?”

-“I don’t feel nuthin’. I’m a human voodoo doll, bitch!”

-“My cousin Amanda, she’s just bulimic.”

GRADE: B

Credit to FX and American Horror Story for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Boardwalk Empire “Erlkönig” Review (4×05)

7 Oct

627-2This is going to be very brief, but I wanted to say a few things about this episode.

-Eddie Kessler’s death is one of the most heartbreaking scenes of the year, which is really impressive for a character that has only come into his own in the last few episodes. Just as Nucky has finally started to take notice of him, so do we. It’s understandable, though, why Eddie jumps off that balcony. He’s been shunned his whole life, forgotten, ashamed. He spends his final days in an interrogation room, truly alone, and it’s better for him to end it all. Devastating.

-Van Alden, Al Capone, and Frank Capone is a powerhouse trio that I never would’ve become tired of seeing. However, Frank is gunned down here in a powerful scene; Nelson’s about to try and distance himself from his current puppet-like role, but this happens, causing Al to turn him into an ally in his quest for revenge.

-Nucky essentially interrogates William in an episode in which Eddie is being interrogated. Although I’m not a big fan of William’s storyline, his scene with Nucky is extremely well done. It also shows that he’s a Thompson at heart.

-It’s hard not to feel sorry for Gillian, who’s trapped by her own addiction. Gretchen Mol is fantastic in this role.

-Fantastic camera work by Tim Van Patten. The riot scenes are beautifully filmed.

-Now we’re getting going. The first part of the season was a little slow, but it’s now kicking into high gear.

Credit to HBO and Boardwalk Empire for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Homeland “Uh… Oh… Ah…” Review (3×02)

7 Oct

homelanddThe writers have written themselves into a corner with Carrie Mathison, but what an intriguing corner it is. She’s deluded herself into thinking she needs to save everyone, yet also is wary of anyone that shows one inkling of kindness toward her. It’s truly a fascinating look into a case of paranoia, and like I said last week, it’s not an imitation of what she’s been through before. I’m interested in seeing how Brody factors into all of this next week.

The episode closes with a devastating shot of Carrie, mumbling a simple epithet at Saul before turning away and squeezing her eyes shut. It’s a quiet moment, unlike the previous 45 minutes of her going bonkers. It’s clever what the show is doing here, making it seem more and more deserving of our main character to receive the accusations that have been piled upon her. There are no villains in this season; there may be assholes, but what’s interesting is that they’re justified. There’s a tug-of-war battle going on between Saul and Carrie, as well as the CIA and Carrie, and it’s hard to fully sympathize with her because what she did really is unforgivable.

These effects continue to reverberate throughout the show, starting with Saul and his always magnificent beard. I feel like the show goes too far this week, as he berates a Muslim aide in his office. The xenophobia is understandable, but Saul’s never been the kind of person who gets angry over these kinds of things. Not to mention, it all makes him look like a complete jerk.

On the homefront, we devote tons of time to Dana and her boyfriend. Now, I think I appreciate the Brody family more than I enjoy it. The family was always more compelling when it was a foil for Brody, and now that he’s gone, I appreciate the show exploring the fallout. However, Dana’s boyfriend is annoying, and the fact will always remain that they were all more interesting when Brody was around. Still, an extremely powerful moment comes when Dana lays it all out in the bathroom to Jess. Dana’s turning elsewhere because she feels like she can’t trust the people around her, especially those she used to be close to. Jess is extremely frustrated because Dana’s boyfriend is becoming the very thing she wants to be: Dana’s emotional savior*. That’s expected, of course.

Dana’s storyline ties into Carrie’s really well, although the two characters haven’t crossed paths much. They’re both lost and emotionally drained, and there’s no way out.

GRADE: B-

Other thoughts:

-*That does only work for Jess’s side, though. I’d say Dana’s boyfriend is more of a crutch; he’s holding her up, but it’s pretty flimsy. Dana’s afraid that if he leaves, she’ll have to go through what she went through all over again. She fancies the idea of him more than she does the actual person.

-The episode is once again pretty slow, although it’s too slow for me. I get what they’re trying to do, but Season 1 proved that the show could deliver high quality intensity without falling into the thriller/action tropes.

-Quinn’s the moral center of the show now. I don’t know how to feel about that.

-Chris is just all “Hey, what’s up. Dana not eating? Chill, Mom. Loss of appetite sure has nothing to do with suicide; let her go sulk in her room. Dana disappearing? Chill, Mom. She just attempted suicide a few weeks back, let her run away into the rain at night.”

If there’s anyone that needs therapy, it’s Chris. Hopefully Brody’s first action back is to rid us of this kid.

-Nice title.

Credit to Showtime and Homeland for all pictures. I own nothing.

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Saturday Night Live “Miley Cyrus” Live Blog/Review (39×02)

6 Oct

saturday-night-live-promo-miley-cyrus-02Here we go! Check in every 10 minutes or so for live updates.

VMA COLD OPEN: Alright, hopefully now we can put the whole necessary VMA nonsense behind us, as well as the expected Bayer Cyrus-regular Cyrus interaction. Also, this whole cold open isn’t all that funny. Pharoah is fantastic as Smith, but Killam’s Thicke and Monyihan’s Bear don’t really work; the two Cyruses are amusing, but not funny at all. GRADE: C+

MONOLOGUE: Well, that was short and sweet. I’m not sure what to think about it, but Cyrus did just fine there with what she had. Also, Hannah Montana is dead. GRADE: B-

50 SHADES OF GREY SCREEN TESTS: There’s not much to this sketch, but it’s always amusing to see a lineup of impressions. Taran Killam absolutely nails his Christoph Waltz, Pharoah nails Shaquille O’Neal, and McKinnon nails Lynch. Noel Wells is great as Deschanel, too. Of course, there are also some misfires: Pedrad as Ansari and Bryant’s Rebel Wilson not getting lines, to name a few. GRADE: B

GIRLFRIENDS TALK SHOW: Oh, jeez. I’ve always loved Bryant in this sketch, but I’ve always hated the sketch. There are some great lines (“I like a guy who’s in love with my confidence, and is gentleman enough to treat me to a hearty steak salad”), but most of the jokes don’t land. Also, the twerking…kill me now, please. GRADE: C-

WE DID STOP: Yeah, here’s our government shutdown sketch, and it’s terrible. It just relies on visual gags to keep itself going, but even that doesn’t work. The only good thing to come out of this sketch is Pharoah’s Obama’s terrified look through the window. Also, stop the twerking. Please. GRADE: C-

PIERS MORGAN: Yet another sketch that doesn’t work. None of the documentary titles are particularly funny, and the MTV doc is the absolute worst. Huffington’s great on Weekend Update, but that’s due to the dynamic between Pedrad and Meyers. Here, she’s annoying. I do like “Running Rodham”, though; McKinnon’s great in that, and the hashtag on the bottom of the screen is great. GRADE: C

WEEKEND UPDATE: Now this is great. It gets off to a shaky start with “Winners/Losers”, but every single guest is brilliant. Kate McKinnon is perfect as a mother who played GTA, and this role showcases exactly why I love her (“Then go to the grocery store and get it yourself, you whore!”….”I shot a stripper in the boob for sport.”….”My new motto is suck it or get shot dead but it doesn’t matter cause you’ll got shot dead anyway!”). Pharoah is perfect as Shannon Sharpe, and Bayer’s Jacob has always been great. Strong feels much more integrated into the Update this week. GRADE: B+

CHEERLEADERS: What the hell? The entire premise of the sketch revolves around aliens abducting cheerleaders, yet it’s dull and boring. I don’t even… GRADE: D

MORNIN’ MIAMI: This is funny. It’s random and insane, which is exactly what I like. The lines are fantastic, and the in-between take boredom shots are priceless (also, Cyrus is the best she’s been all night in this sketch) Bitch Fantastic, indeed. GRADE: B+

MILEY CYRUS MUSICAL PERFORMANCES: Now, these are perfectly fine pop songs. In fact, her musical performances are much better than her general awfulness as a host, and it’s a shame that the rest of the show portrays her as the idiot she’s become recently. She’s perfectly capable of being an adult. GRADE: B-

POETRY CLASS: Bayer is certainly fun to watch as the bumbling school teacher, and having Cyrus come on to her is interesting. Still, once again, a few great lines (“Haikus were the first tweets”), but pretty average as a whole. GRADE: B-

LAST NIGHT: Eh. I didn’t laugh much, and the sketch leads nowhere. Kyle Mooney is good here, and Cyrus is a bit more tolerable, but the promising premise doesn’t add up to anything particularly funny. I don’t know, maybe I’m just expecting more from pre-taped sketches. GRADE: C+

EPISODE GRADE: C-

Best sketch: Weekend Update Guests/Mornin’ Miami

Worst Sketch: Cheerleaders

Final thoughts: I guess Cyrus wants us to think of her as we’ve been doing the past few weeks. She doesn’t do much here except take off her clothes, and she twerks because everyone loves that, right? Her musical performances are much better. As for the rest of the cast, Bayer shines tonight, as well as the Weekend Update sans beginning. Strong fits in better this week, but I feel like the show suffers from having a way too large cast. Oh well, this is what I was expecting anyway.

Credit to NBC and Saturday Night Live for all pictures. I own nothing.

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